Couples’ financial planning in the age of the individual could feel like navigating uncharted, stormy seas; where do you even start? The answer could be simpler — but not necessarily easier — than you might think: mutuality, respect, and above all, healthy communication.
Just like ships trapped in squalls need “all hands on deck” to survive, financial planning for couples requires both partners to show up to participate, conversate, and faithfully do their part.
Moving beyond weather metaphors, we would hazard a guess that most of us who have been in healthy (or even unhealthy) relationships can testify that experiencing difficult circumstances together can make or break your relationship: too much tension between the two of you, and the bond is likely to snap, but when you are pulling in the same direction to overcome adversity, you come out stronger on the other side. Financial planning for couples is no different.
At Iron Point Financial, we can say that having guided many couples through the journey, and our experience has led us to believe that there are three things in particular to watch out for when tackling finances together: Participation & Agency, Respectful Equality, and Transparent Communication.
In a special edition of the blog, Greg Liszka (CFP®, RICP®), President & Advisor at Iron Point Financial, and his wife, Emily*, share their personal insights and real-world experiences on what they believe are the three non-negotiable principles in financial planning for couples.
*Emily Liszka is not affiliated with Cetera Advisor Networks LLC. Any information provided by Emily is in no way related to Cetera Advisor Networks LLC or its registered representatives.
1. Participation & Agency
The Liszka Perspective
Financial decisions are an important foundation for any household: they are an expression of your spending habits, values and beliefs. When only one partner holds the reins, it can lead to an imbalance in the relationship and erode either spouse’s sense of self-worth. As Emily* poignantly explains:
“Participation and agency mean giving both partners a say in the financial decisions that are made and making sure that the power structure in a relationship is financially as even as possible. Nobody wants to feel that somebody else is making all of their decisions for them; that can eat into your sense of self-value.”
Approaching financial planning as a team where each person has an important role to play and space to speak can help to ensure both partners feel valued and engaged.
*Emily Liszka is not affiliated with Cetera Advisor Networks LLC. Any information provided by Emily is in no way related to Cetera Advisor Networks LLC or its registered representatives.
Participation & Agency: What’s the Big Deal?
Before we move onto a discussion of how to build participation and agency into your financial relationship, we should probably pause to clarify exactly what we mean by those terms.
Emily provided a brief definition already, but another way to think about these concepts is to come back to the ship metaphor we started with: are you drifting on the ocean, being pulled this way and that by the winds of change, or are you making the most of the ship (resources) at your disposal to navigate a path of your choosing?
This image gets to the heart of agency: is the world acting on you, or are you acting on it — in this instance, are you, as a couple, partnering together to act meaningfully in the world? Are you working collectively on the future of your dreams, both financial and otherwise? Things may not always go exactly the way you want, but shared agency can keep you sailing in the right direction.
Participation & Agency: Practical Tips
Practically speaking, a good way to facilitate this value is to carve out regular time for joint financial check-ins, perhaps monthly or quarterly. During those check-ins, you could:
- Review your budget;
- Assess progress towards your savings and investment goals; and
- Talk through any upcoming expenses.
This shared space can foster a shared sense of responsibility, and in turn encourage both individuals to contribute meaningfully to the relationship’s financial health — to see it as a mutual responsibility, rather than pulling in different directions.
2. Power Dynamics & Equal Awareness
The Liszka Perspective
Disproportionate levels of awareness over financial matters between partners can create unwelcome moments of crisis further down the road. Greg highlights the following, all-too-common scenario:
Oftentimes, I find that one spouse just does it all; typically, that is the male partner. And then when they pass — usually first — then their surviving partner doesn’t have any clue what’s going on and finds herself in a big hole… and if the spouse in question dies young, then that creates even more complications.
The saddest thing about this kind of situation is that, in most cases, the partner who ‘does it all’ probably has the best of intentions; they likely want to ‘do their part’ in the way they know how, while their spouse takes care of other responsibilities.
Power Dynamics & Equal Awareness: Why Does It Matter?
While there is such thing as a healthy division of labor — for instance, one partner might be happy doing the dishes, while the other might prefer vacuuming — when it comes to financial planning for couples, it’s best to make sure you have an equal playing field, such that even if one person has a greater day-to-day connection with your finances, the other person is still active in overall decision-making, and knows what to do in emergency situations.
Taking this kind of approach is the best way to stave off codependency and other toxic relational dynamics, and can set both partners up well if and when one spouse does pass away before the other.
Even in that sad situation, you wouldn’t be leaving your partner in the dark, simultaneously grieving your death and wondering what on earth they are supposed to do with the financial burden they’ve inherited.
Instead, when you give both spouses equal power and facilitate awareness, you can foster long-term stability and financial empowerment for all.
Power Dynamics & Equal Awareness: Practical Tips
To set yourselves up for long-term success, it’s important to make sure both you and your partner have a baseline understanding of your household’s overall financial landscape, and that you both review it on a regular basis. This includes:
- Knowing how to access accounts (current, savings, investment, insurance, email, etc.).
- Understanding the family’s big-picture financial plan, including its underlying values and long-term goals.
- Participating in meetings with your financial advisor.
You might also want to consider creating a shared document that outlines all of your various account details, important financial contacts, and essential passwords.
If this is a digital document, remember to keep it password-protected, and if it’s physical, be sure that both of you keep track of its exact whereabouts (for instance, in your bedroom safe, if you have one); this isn’t the kind of document you want hackers or strangers to stumble across!
3. Transparent Communication & Joint Strategy
The Liszka Perspective
Transparent communication is the glue that holds financial plans together. Without it, misunderstandings or assumptions can breed resentment and even, in some cases, divorce (financial disagreements and a lack of healthy communication can be an especially destructive combo).
Consequently, Greg wisely emphasizes:
“At Iron Point Financial, we try to get both spouses into the plan, into the meeting, and to understand this is something we strive to do with everyone. Particularly if one spouse is not as financially savvy, because then they could really be at a disadvantage…
If you’re not up-to-date on what is going financially, what decisions have been made, and how you plan for the future — whether that’s life insurance, divorce, disability insurance, or general investments — you could have a real problem.”
Given that communication problems are one of the single most common causes for divorce in America — it’s literally #5 on Divorce.com’s list — you would do well to pay attention here, and to consider how you can implement a healthy alternative in your own marriage union or long-term relationship.
Transparent Communication & Joint Strategy: Why Should You Care?
As it turns out, your kindergarten teacher was probably right when they taught you that “honesty is the best policy.” It’s a lesson Emily* is quick to return to in relation to financial planning for couples:
“It all comes back to honesty. Even if one partner isn’t actively withholding information, but they are just failing to share it, the other person can start to feel like their spouse is hiding things.”
Simply put, transparency in couples’ financial planning creates trust, while a lack of transparency erodes it — whether or not it’s intentional.
If you care about your marriage partner (which we’re assuming you do, given you have continued to read through this article on financial planning for couples), this is something you probably want to prioritize, both in your finances and in all other areas of your shared life.
*Emily Liszka is not affiliated with Cetera Advisor Networks LLC. Any information provided by Emily is in no way related to Cetera Advisor Networks LLC or its registered representatives.
Transparent Communication & Joint Strategy: Practical Tips
Healthy communication patterns extend far beyond finances, but once you have them in place, you can start to think and plan together — to agree on joint financial strategies for your family’s future. With that in mind, there are a few practices and prompts you can incorporate, either during the weekly check-ins we mentioned above, on your date night, or at another set time of the week or month.
- For finance-specific conversations, here’s a great tool from Esther Perel, a world-renowned relationship psychotherapist, to understand one another and start planning your financial future.
- If you would rather pause the financial conversation for now, but you still want to improve your active listening skills with one another, then here’s another great, practical resource.
- Finally, if you have brainstormed some ideas and you want to develop them into a full financial plan, or if you want help getting started, you can reach out to a financial advisor like Iron Point Financial to create a personalized plan that can serve your family for generations to come.
Transparent communication — taking the time to listen and understand one another’s thoughts, feelings and dreams — is the first step; turning shared insights from those listening sessions into a joint financial strategy is the second.
Flowing from one into the other helps to ensure that you aren’t just talking, but you’re purposefully acting on what you’ve shared, both together and with your financial planner.
A Stronger Future Together: Writing a Shared Story
In our opinion, the best financial planning for couples goes beyond the numbers; it’s about building a partnership grounded in trust, respect, and shared vision.
By embracing Participation & Agency, addressing Power Dynamics & Equal Awareness, and practically committing to Transparent Communication & Joint Strategy, we reckon couples can set themselves up for a resilient and prosperous future.
As Greg Liszka (CFP®, RICP®), President and Advisor at Iron Point Financial noted earlier in this article, we have long tried to incorporate these values as we serve couples of all ages and backgrounds.
If you share those values and want to start writing the story of your financial future together, or if you are interested in finding out more, why not schedule an appointment with Iron Point today?
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Iron Point Financial is here to empower you to secure a brighter tomorrow. We operate physical offices in Grove City, PA and Greenville, PA.
We primarily serve residents of Pennsylvania, Ohio, West Virginia and Florida but we also have registered broker licenses for 22 other states across the continental USA.
